Press Row

What Are Abbott Lines?

“The most illuminating thing about the book is the fact that, by and large, most football players can’t stand their fucking jobs. … There’s no job security unless you’re an All-Pro, and 99% of guys aren’t that. Most of the players can’t even figure out why they do it. They’re constantly being hired, then fired, then rehired, and the re-fired. Hundreds of guys are hired every year to bust ass through camp, despite management having no intention of keeping them when roster cuts come down. Your pay for going through camp? A few grand. Most of those guys never even earn the yearly minimum. Coaches constantly tell players their jobs are in jeopardy, yet refuse to clue them in as to where they stand. If your boss did this, you’d fucking murder him.

“In a way, it makes sense that NFL players are so jaded and cynical. Unlike most sports, football is the one sport where your time spent actually playing is but a mere fraction of the time you invest: lifting, practicing, going to boring as shit meetings, going to game “rehearsals” where you stand in formation 90 times over, etc. Compare that to baseball. Baseball players get to spend most of their time playing in REAL games. That’s fun. Football? Eh, not so much. You gotta sit through a whole lotta bullshit to get to Sunday.

“Mike Shanahan can best be described as aloof, detached, insensitive, unemotional, manipulative, uncharismatic, controlling, uncommunicative, petty, and at times incompetent. And, of course, overly tan. But most players agree, he’s one of the BETTER coaches to play for.

“Jake Plummer (to Mike Shanahan during a game): “Just call the plays. I’m going out there and playing fucking football.” ~ Kissing Suzy Kolber, KSK Book Klub: A Few Seconds Of Panic, 7/7

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“The issue is going to be pressed soon. I fully expect Favre’s agent to send a letter to the Packers within the next 10 days, stating that Favre, 38, wants to be taken off the National Football League’s reserve/retired list. At that point, the team will have no choice but to re-admit the league’s most accomplished statistical quarterback ever back to football, and general manager Ted Thompson and McCarthy will have a decision to make that you can be sure is keeping them up nights. They can take Favre and his $12.8-million cap number back onto the team and give him his starting job back, they can trade him or they can release him. …

“I’ve been told an edgy McCarthy told Favre, in their most recent phone conversation a couple of weeks ago, the legendary quarterback would put the Packers in a tough spot by reneging on his March 6 retirement. Favre understands. But I don’t think it’s going to stop him from doing what his body tells him to do — play football again.” ~ Peter King, Sports Illustrated, Nightmare in Green Bay: The saga of Brett Favre is far from over, 7/7

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“I don’t think every coach is sincere when he says he loves his kids; there are liars, charlatans, and lizard-brained reptiles in coaching, just as there are in every profession. Above all, the M.O. remains winning, winning, and winning, especially the higher up you go in college football’s hierarchy.

“Yet I think there are some who genuinely, above all else, care deeply about helping kids–and deny it or not, but at 18 you remain an infant in an adult’s body. I think Mark Richt sincerely loves his players, and not just because he’s a declared Christian do-gooder, but I think that even if raised a Muslim, or Buddhist, or atheist, or Zoroastrian, or whatever, that he’d just be the sort of person that, while kicking gridiron ass along the way, would simply want to help. I think, given the evidence, that the same was true of Lloyd Carr, and Randy Shannon, and even ol’ milquetoasty Chan Gailey, God Bless his run run dropped pass punt soul.

“If they decide to forgive an offense, I can’t be that angry about it anymore on offense one. Seeing both sides of the coin–the potential realized and the horrific waste–sports is really the primary academy for many football players. It is their ethics class, their economics lesson, their surrogate family. If a coach errs on the side of forgiveness rather than dismissal within principled guidelines and with adequate punishment, I can’t fault them, and won’t. It’s too easy, too facile. …

“This shouldn’t turn into a “What is Wrong With the World Today” schpiel, though it may already have. However, consider the case of someone who, for a time, wanted to play a kid’s game, perhaps learn some discipline, work well with others, and then perhaps take some of those learned patterns of behavior into humdrum, workaday society while raising a family, paying their bills, and serving as a loving, responsible member of their community.

“Now, consider the insanity of someone young enough to do all of this and serve as a net gain for the universe getting killed for no reason at all. None. Economically speaking, it’s a net loss. Logically speaking…there is no way of speaking about it logically. Emotionally speaking, it’s madness, and when I really think about it the words fall into a silent white chasm of incomprehension. The rest is just bone-deep sad all over the place without reason or rationale. “ ~ Orson Swindle, EDSBS, A Word, Please, 7/7 (absolute must-read)

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“I love the two together as much as the next person but it just makes zero sense to hire more people for that studio show. This hire makes seven employees that currently work on the show and that’s just way too many cooks in the kitchen. I wish nothing but fun times for the two, but I don’t know how they’re going to get to say what they want with Costas, Collinsworth, Bettis, Barber and Peter King vying for airtime as well. It’ll be interesting.” ~ Awful Announcing, NBC To Hire Dan Patrick And Reunite Him With Olbermann, 7/7

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Cribbs will be the first to say that he could handle the responsibilities of a full-time receiver. But the truth is that would be too much on his plate. Cribbs is a Pro Bowler as a special teamer. He returns both kickoffs and punts, and also covers kickoffs and punts extremely well. Making Cribbs Cleveland’s No. 3 receiver would hurt his efficiency at what he does best. ~ James Walker, Hashmarks, Who is the No. 3 WR in Cleveland?, 7/7

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If you watched the Nadal/Federer docu-drama yesterday, you know two things: It prompted a lot of worthy pondering about historical pomp and circumstance, and it left you with a lot of spare time on your hands to engage in such pondering. … With all the options swirling around, I found myself drifting in the direction of creating a “this is the time to remember”-type montage in my mind of the signature sports moments of the decade. …So I’m not going to run down a top-ten list here, but rather list what I think right now are the signature moments of the major and some not-so-major sports in the 2000’s. Two of them I believe to have happened this year. I’ll list those first:

• Tennis – Dah … yesterday. To put it mildly.

• Golf – Mickelson’s win at the Masters in 2004 would certainly make the shortlist, but look, this simply has to be a Tiger moment. Given that, I think there are two prime entries, and in my mind, the 2008 U.S. Open playoff win on a broken leg trumps the Tiger/DiMarco duel at Augusta in ’05.

• NFL - This one basically boils down to whether you love the Patriots or hate them. Hate them, it’s Super Bowl XLII, Giants 17, Pats 14 (2008 has really been a hell of a sports year already). Love them and I’d have to say it’s Super Bowl XXXVI, Pats 20, Rams 17. And though no one will ever confuse me for a rabid Pats fan, I’m going to have to be impartial on this one and call it for Super Bowl XXXVI. ~ The Sporting Blog, The Signature Sports Moments of the Decade, 7/7 (recommended)

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When you break it all down, the SEC leads the way with 137 projected starters for the 2008 NFL season. The ACC finished second with 121 projected starters.

The Big Ten finished third with 105 starters and the Big 12 was fourth with 72 projected starters.

The Pac-10 finished with 70 starters, the Big East has 33 starters and Conference USA and the Mountain West each have 22 starters.

The WAC has 21 projected starters and the Mid-American has 19 starters. The Independents have 13 projected starters and the Sun Belt has 12 starters.

There are 57 players from the small college ranks that are projected starters in the NFL for 2008.

Despite all the coaching changes and realignment in different conferences in the past, especially the ACC, the SEC stands atop of the college football mountain when it comes to sending players to the NFL and becoming starters in the league. ~ Mike Detillier, The Courier (LA), What conferences are the NFL’s starters coming from?, 7/7 

Got any good lines from your favorite writer or blog—or maybe your own? Send them over.